Tuesday, January 4, 2011

The Fake in Me

there are very few things that I "hate" in this life... fake is one of them. fake anything. the fake things I hate the most are those that I see, discover, or unintentionally realize are in me...

I don't want to talk about it and I suspect you don't either. But a relevant status message just can't be ignored like that. Out of all the stupendous and totally boring things I read daily, this one I owe a thought or two. Having spent the better part of the last several years in self discovery allowing the onion to peel, so to speak,there remains, still, a falseness I wish to banish forever.

I don't find it necessary to detail the discoveries as the details are not important. The bare naked truth is where the freedom resides. We need not hate the discovery and realization that within us lies character traits of an untruthful nature. It is these very discoveries that brings us closer to realness. The problem more specifically is that we choose to ignore what we know about ourselves. And we do know ourselves!

...the courage to change the things we can suddenly comes to mind. How much do we hate the fake within thus becomes the question. Enough to change? I go back to a time in my youth as a mouthy, sarcastic teenager. I hated me for it, yet, I could never seem to rid myself of this character defect. I would think on these things. I was aware of my behavior and I was ashamed. And try as I may to alter myself, I found myself returning over and over to the same actions. The truth is, this followed me way beyond adolescence to a time, as an adult, it was very much unacceptable.

It would be years before I discovered change of this nature was way beyond any power I thought I had. But change, itself, was possible. I would need the help of a Power much greater than I to accomplish this, however. As I grew in my knowledge of being made anew, I could no longer avoid changing the things I could. I asked for the courage and have continually been granted that over the years. Courage to look at myself , to consider what was good within and what was not. Sometimes I danced around the truth, and sometimes I still do. But in the end, when I am alone with me, I still am very aware of the fake things in me. We may dance longer than necessary but grace and mercy endures. Thankfully.

I can't think of anything more purposeful in this life than to advance fully into who I was meant to be, to discover the individual God intended.The funny thing is, while there isfake within me....I don't pretend there's not.


God has given you one face, and you make yourself another.
- Shakespeare -

10 comments:

Chad said...

well written Paige... I appreciate you taking the time to share. this thought is something that is constantly running through my mind in the background... interesting note, the status update last week was generated from a hug I received...

No matter how mixed up it may seem, these are MY thoughts and how I see it said...

Amen sista, amen!!!

Steven said...

4th stepping it, eh? ;)

It's important to look at the good parts of you when self-realizing and not just the bad. That's something I struggle mightily with. But just as you're trying to change the bad into good, embrace the good that is already there and nurture it.

peacegirl said...

Thanks, Chad, but don't get me thinking on such things again like that ;) And speaking of hugs, I digress. Would that be a hug-me-like-you mean-it HUG or a side-ways fake hug? I feel a whole nother blog coming on.....

peacegirl said...

Yo..Danette...you feeling me?

peacegirl said...

Steven, Steven, Steven...I'm forever fourth stepping it. It's a sometimes painful but always fruitful process. I just wish the whole world would inventory themselves. I'm saddened by those who dare not to change. And you're right, that change could be exciting when we find those good things and allow them to grow ♥

Marian said...

Beautiful and thought-provoking Paige!

peacegirl said...

Exceptionally thought provoking, Marian. In fact..I'm still thinking...heehee. And thinking I may have to have a part two. Sometimes my thoughts don't come out as I wish.

Shopgirl said...

Powerful and so true. Thank you for sharing this, just what I needed today.

deb said...

fake...is a tough word. You chose a tough word. Because fake is real, too...it depends on your angle in. I mean...my example recently was that i was told repeatedly i had no common sense as a kid. I knew it really wasn't true, but that fake belief was a belief anyway...and I enacted it, just like you did your smart mouth. You know why we both did that? Because we could. And enacting it made it NOT fake, no? It's a complexity that's fascinating.